My eureka moment

My first post in 2016! Hope the new year has been wonderful for everyone so far. Remember I wrote about having gained some new perspectives regarding my current jobless situation in my previous post? Well, over the past few months I’ve been asking myself how on earth did I manage to land myself in this situation repeatedly. Was there really a problem with my past few jobs? Or was it due to the incompetent boss and irritating co-worker? Or does the problem actually lie with me?

Also, why is it always so difficult for me to find a new job? I see people nailing their job interviews easily and getting themselves a new job so effortlessly. Am I really that bad at marketing myself? What am I doing wrong? Or is my poor employment record the problem? This is all very ironic, considering I’m in HR and I actually interview people. I should know how to ace an interview, right? Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be the case. I absolutely hate it when recruitment consultants ask me why am I taking such a long time to find a job. Do they really think I enjoy being unemployed for so long? Do they know just how many applications I’ve sent in so far? I really can’t do much if employers find me unsuitable for their roles, can I?

I’m surprised at myself that I’ve never really given these questions a proper thought until recently. I’ve always believed I was just plain unlucky to encounter a terrible boss which led to my departure from that company. You know, the circumstances were working against me, etc etc. Sure, there was no doubt she made my life miserable and the idea of going to work was so dreadful that I actually lost sleep over it. Then again, was the situation really that unbearable? Or was I just too inept to handle the stress? After thinking it through, I’ve come to the conclusion that I seriously need to change my outlook in life.

I realised I’ve been too pessimistic all along. Yes, pessimistic is the word. I viewed things from a negative perspective all the time and reacted accordingly. Whenever I had to deal with my ex-boss and ex-colleague, I’d get all riled up over nothing as I’d reached the stage where I could no longer stand working with them. I’d tell myself I hate working there and I wish I could leave the company immediately. The negativity affected my morale badly. If I’d been a tad bit more tolerant and didn’t let those people get to me, I might’ve been able to persist longer and resign only after I’ve secured a new job.

Having said all that, I don’t regret my actions at all. I believe everything happens for a reason and I hold on to the hope that I’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel very soon. I made a promise to myself that I’ll take on any challenges bravely with as much optimism as I can muster from now on. I must persevere and not give up so easily.

A new year already?

I can’t quite believe we’re almost halfway through January and Chinese New Year is less than one month away. I’m panicking because I don’t have time to do spring cleaning! In fact, I don’t even have time to think about Chinese New Year. The past few months had been crazy for me at work and it’s only going to get worse. Much worse.

If I’m lucky, I’d be able to take a breather in April. Yes, you heard me right – April. That’s four bloody more months to go and I really don’t know how to get through this. I don’t know if I’d be able to remain sane and hang on till I get a new job. I’ve never been so bogged down by work before in my life.

Maybe to others I’m just a weak and incompetent employee who’s unable to cope with stress, or someone who flees at the first sight of trouble. Ok, I have to admit there’s a sliver of truth in that statement but I’m seriously sick of my job. I’ve been in this job for only 14 months but things are already getting repetitive. How on earth can someone stay in this job for more than two years? You’re required to do the same projects every single year and there’s no way to delegate the work to someone else because there’re only two people in the department – you and your boss. In this situation, who do you think gets the honour of doing all the dirty jobs?

Well, at least now I know why my predecessor didn’t stay very long in the company either.