The ever elusive ideal job

It’s going to sound super delayed but hey it’s 2018! Are you surprised that this is my first ever entry in 2018? I guess not. It’s already coming to mid April but I’m still unemployed.

It’s really scary how time flies even when one isn’t working. Just a couple of months ago in January I was brimming with hope that I should be able to secure a job by Chinese New Year. And then Chinese New Year came and went. To be fair, I did receive a few job offers and potential opportunities but there were certain factors about those jobs that made me decline them. I know many of you would probably think I was being picky despite being desperate for a job and honestly I’m not sure how to adequately explain why I rejected them.

Yes, I’m indeed quite desperate to get a job but at the end of the day I still had reservations about those few job offers that came my way. After I left my last recruitment role, I told myself not to ever go into recruitment again. A few months later I began to wonder if I should change my mind about it as I barely got invited to any interviews. I wondered if I should make myself enjoy doing recruitment and focus on applying for recruiter roles because hey, how many people actually love their jobs? But I just couldn’t do it.

I did something that I didn’t think I’d ever do recently. I turned down a job offer after accepting it and I must’ve pissed off a few people along the way. Not to mention I’ve officially burnt the bridge with that employer. I’m not proud of it but I’d like to believe that was the right decision for me. After declining the offer, I felt immensely relieved. In case you’re wondering, yes it was a recruitment role and in hindsight I shouldn’t have accepted it in the first place. I did it simply because I’m desperate for a job and I guess that’s never a good reason to accept a job offer.

I wasn’t even excited about that job offer when I first got to know about it. Aren’t you supposed to feel excited and happy when you receive a job offer? Is this an indicator that the job isn’t what you want? Sometimes I don’t even know if I have the “rights” to be picky about jobs after being on the market for so long. I know some people might say things like, “You shouldn’t be so fussy and should be glad someone is willing to hire you after so long!” or “There isn’t a perfect job out there so quit finding excuses not to take on the job.” etc. But my question is, is it wrong to try to find something that I truly have some interest in? I’m fully aware that there isn’t a so-called perfect job out there. I’m really not that deluded. But should I just take on any job that comes along, even though I’m certain I wouldn’t like it and most likely will struggle to perform well in it? I really don’t have an answer to that.

One thing about having gone through these prolonged unemployment stints is that I’ve come to realise who are those few individuals who continue to be supportive of me. My life at this moment might suck real bad but I’m very grateful to my family (sis, mum and dad!) and friends who understand my predicament without judging or berating me. I’m also thankful to them for helping me and giving me encouragement and affirmation when I needed them most. You know who you are! 🙂

Just as the saying goes, when life gives you lemons… make lemonade! 😀

On a separate note, I finally started working on my polymer clay crafts a few months ago and opened a new Instagram account for my creations at Merry Little Things. Check it out and follow me if you can!

End of yet another year

Oh gosh I can’t believe how time flies. I know I’ve been harping on this since forever but it’s exactly how I feel. And as much as I hate sounding like a broken record, I’ve got to say 2017 hasn’t exactly been a fantastic year for me. It isn’t all horrible but I’m hoping 2018 will be a much better year for me.

There are so many things that I want to do but being unemployed does have its limitations, particularly in the income area. I think not many people will understand this struggle unless they’ve gone through the same situation as I have. I really hope things will pick up for me next year and that I’ll make the right decisions and not live to regret them.

Despite being unemployed, I’ve been kept quite busy over the past few months. My sister gave birth to a baby boy in September so I’ve officially become an aunt! I pop by her place on most days to disturb play with the baby and on the days that I stay home, I’ll try to work on my polymer clay crafts. Being someone who sucks at time management, I find it incredibly challenging to find time to blog among all my other activities. So yeah, that basically explains my long absence.

I just want to give a short shout-out here before the year comes to an end and before I go, I hope 2018 will bring more happiness and opportunities to all. Happy holidays everyone!

Confessions of a serial procrastinator

One of my favourite things to do is to browse through Pinterest and saving the pretty pictures or ideas to my various boards. So one day I came across the following quote and whoa, I think it describes me perfectly.

This is so me.

I’m a self-confessed procrastinator and a serious one at that. I’ve been like this since young and I remember I was always putting off my homework and school assignments till the last minute. And yes, I’m also the type of student who starts studying for an exam only three or four days before the exam date. You know the teachers at school are always saying you should revise your work regularly so that you needn’t spend too much time cramming for exams at the end of the semester, right? Well, I’ve never had it in me to do that. I was disciplined enough to study for my tests and exams but just not in the prepare-in-advance way. There had been several occasions when I couldn’t finish studying in time and the stress of pulling all-nighters was horrible. Even now I feel a tad bit uneasy thinking about those few times when I ran out of time to study. I have no idea why I’m always putting myself in such unnecessary situations. For some reason I just can’t start working on stuff early, even if I have plenty of lead time to do whatever that I need to do. I used to think perhaps I function better under pressure since everything almost always gets done but I suspect this might just be a sorry excuse for a bad habit.

Yep, this is what I do.

As what the quote says, my life is a constant battle with procrastination. Now that I’m unemployed, I’m determined to make full use of my time and start working on some projects. The problem is, I know what I want to do but somehow the tasks seem to accumulate to a point where they become further and further away from completion, just like a never-ending to-do list where none of the tasks ever gets checked. Below are some of the things in my to-do list and needless to say, they’ve been there for a while now.

1. Start a to-do list in a journal
To-do lists are a great start for a procrastinator, correct? Except that I haven’t even worked up enough motivation to start working on this.

2. Start on my polymer clay crafts project
I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before but I’ve always wanted to try my hands on polymer clay. I got interested in this during my last jobless stint but I put it off after I started working. I wanted to go back to it but my oven decided to breathe its last breath when I attempted to bake a chiffon cake a month ago. And me being me, it took me several weeks to source for a new oven. I finally placed an order a couple of days ago and the new oven will be delivered next Monday. But first, I’ll need to order some clay accessories from Taobao and Etsy before I can begin, which is something that I haven’t done yet. Sigh.

3. Try out new baking recipes
See point 2. No oven = no baking.

4. Blog about my Bangkok trip
I actually let out a sigh of resignation when I was typing the header. Believe me, I want to do it and I’m actually looking forward to writing it but before I can do that, I need to sort out the photos first. Obviously this is also something that I haven’t got down to doing yet. Are you starting to see what I’m trying to say here?

5. Blog about this post on procrastination
I had this entry planned more than a week ago before National Day and look what happened. I guess at least there’s something for me to strike off from my list now. Small victory!

These are just some examples of what’s going through my head right now. There are so many other things waiting for me to do but in the end nothing is being carried out. Sometimes I feel guilty and I get disappointed with myself for not accomplishing any of the tasks. I seem to know what I should do but I just don’t do it. I read somewhere that this is one of the traits of an INFJ (which I am) so I guess it might have something to do with INFJs’ tendency to overthink things and their anal retentive side. I know exactly what I want but at the same time I want things to be done perfectly, hence the inclination to put things off until I find the right moment and mood to get them done. This in turn develops into the doomed cycle of procrastination.

The endless cycle of procrastination that i get caught in all the time.

It looks like I need to put in more effort and willpower to try to overcome this bad habit of mine. Now please excuse me while I go dig out my journal and start on my to-do list – right after I have my dinner.